But we're just friends. . . with benefits
Well any adult with half a brain knows that perfect doesn't exist. So why is it that we continue to believe in this arrangements? Why do we think it is really possible to have a physical relationship with a friend and both remain happy and stable? What is it about these situations that make us abandon reality?
So readers, it's time to sound off. Let me know what you think about this "relationships". Can people really be friends with benefits?? I wanna know exactly what you all think about this. I've given a small glimpse into my views on it, but after this post gets a few comments I'll chime in with my full views.
Until next time,
A
When people go into the FWB arrangement, they are looking at the convenience of having someone fulfill an instant want(sex, companionship, etc). All good things most be done in moderation. Too many times, FWB overuse the "convenience" of the arrangement. They spend too much time together, which can develop into feelings from one or both sides of the party. And that when they lost prespective of what FWB arrangement is truly about and try to turn it into a relationship.
ReplyDeleteHere is my theory on how a FWB arrangement could possible work.
1. Never call a FWB a relationship. It's arrangement. THink of it as a business deal that both parties benefit from. When you think of it as relationship, it automatically becames personal.
2. Create and understand the ground rules right at the begining. This is to make sure both parties understand what they are both getting out of the arrangement.
3. Obey the rules. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. People make rules but rules are made to be broken. Not if you want this arrangement to work. Think of the rules as a contract. If you disobey the rules or make an exception, then that a breach of contract and your arrangement is void.
4. Time limit. The more time you spend with someone the closer you get. To avoid the ever present thought of "Hey, maybe we can be more then "F-buddies", you need to set some time apart. Example, if you are in a heavy FWB arrangement which consist of the two of you in bed 3 out 7 days a week for two months. Then you need to take 3 month off from each other. If not, then you will start to develop all the traits of an actual relationship. Good and bad. This also give both parties a chances to think of whether or not they want to continue this arrangement or explorer other options.
5. FWB arrangement should never be a heavy FWB with one friend. You are getting too much of a good thing. You start to get spoiled. Absence makes "benefits" fonder.
That just my two cents.
Sam. . you have laid out some excellent rules for these sorts of arrangements. I think number 4 is the key. If you spend too much time together, one or both of you is bound to think of the situation as more than it is. . .that's when things get complicated.
DeleteOn some level though, I think in this sort of situations one person goes into it wanting more. They may never say it and they may even be content to just take what they can get, but ultimately their hope is that by going into it this way they'll come out on the outside a couple. In most cases this is usually the woman, but not always. Just think of it this way, how many women do you know that are truly ok with having sex with someone just for the sake of having sex?? Not very many. It does happen, just not as often as we lead you guys to believe.
Funny, I know a good number of women who are ok with just sex. I think more then I should. lol. You are right. Most cases, one of the parties wants more.
ReplyDelete